Reminders

 Reading 'lilah Sophie' Facebook page always cuts as a huge slap in my face, a tug at my sleeve, a pull at my most inner heart, to appreciate what I have, but mostly to prioritise it. 

How easy is it to get into a flow of business. Of getting dinner cooked and cakes made and checking Facebook and prioritising friendships and allowing school to demand of me what I love to do but know is not good for me right now. Teaching I love, but I don't even have this home life, wife, parent, mother, lover, cook, finance keeper thing down pat.

I have the universe, every . single . Time, screaming at me that it is not right, yet I still say yes. The night before a relief day, you can bet that I get 3 hours of broken sleep max!

Then I get all sorted for work, get the kids sorted, me sorted. We get to school smack bang on the bell. I either love my day (like today) . It all flows. Or I walk away disheartened, with myself and my abilities, the state of the school, the system, kids of today.

I come home, after juggling my own kids, Matilda's poorly nappy amongst a spelling lesson, smiling for my kids and making sure they feel special even though I'm being super nice to the other 11 kids in the class.

I bring them home, do the after school thing plus clean up the breakfast stuff and unpack the night before stuff. Life goes on. I've been with kids all day and I'm struggling to be patient and enthusiastic. Sam comes home and he doesn't have the umph to pick up the pieces that I have dropped. Instead he comes down to my level and I get frustrated, coz if I'm being grumpy, the kids desperately need him to be happy. They are tired too. And they don't understand why I'm not up to scratch. 

Tonight I lost it at Abby because she wanted me to snuggle, whilst i tried to get Matilda to sleep and I could hear jake awake (after a whole day at school, surely he should fall asleep easily!). So Abby gets up a dozen times (probably only 4). So she's crying because she doesn't like to be alone. And Sam is playing the banjo and watching a stupid show, which is fine. But surely he could've given her 5 minutes, or put Matilda to bed so I could give her the 5 minutes she needed. 

So I'm reminded in the post by lilah Sophie's mum. 

 Thank you for reminding me of what is most important. It's not the phone conversation, nor the catch up with a friend, or offspring on TV, or the work that is offered. it's my precious children who need and want me. Who I need and want :: so desperately. Thank you.

I want to get out there and play more. To stop what I'm doing and take more notice. To smile more at my precious angels. To give my darlings what they need from me. Me, their mum. To snuggle when they want me to.