A third of a year passes ...

I'm lying on my old bed that was mine as a child right through to when I bought my own queen size bed. I'm looking out from the window that I looked out of and dreamt about the way I thought the world should be and the way my life would be, so many times.
I never thought I'd be here, in this moment, without my dad in the world. I'm in a phase at the moment, where I can breathe, I can think of him and I don't feel sick, lost and alone. I'm not panicking so much, there's just a tiny squirm in my tummy that reminds me all is not well, all is so definitely not right and never will be again. How do I live with this feeling :: forever? Im not so grumpy about it today, I'm just a bit numb again.
Tomorrow will mark 16 weeks since you passed dad. You at still so alive in me and my memory that I find it all too surreal. I wish you were here.