Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Friday, April 5, 2013
Family
Today we celebrated the life of my Aunty Lynne; my mums sister. So surreal to think that in 4 months of a cancer diagnosis, battle, journey, hell; call it what you will :: breast cancer and secondary in the bones and other, we are today laying her to rest.
I have no understanding of it. It feels surreal. I wish for my mum, my grandma , my uncle and my cousins, that this was a journey they too didn't have to embark on. Life without a loved one does.not.get.easier. If anything it gets harder.
I have no understanding of it. It feels surreal. I wish for my mum, my grandma , my uncle and my cousins, that this was a journey they too didn't have to embark on. Life without a loved one does.not.get.easier. If anything it gets harder.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Easter just ain't the same ...
I left the kids easter baskets back home at the Loop.
I put my order in for what choc Easter eggs we needed, but that feeling of not choosing yourself or getting to browse and find cool stuff? Never again.
I've lost my spirit for easter and all things magical and fun. I have three beautiful cherubs who so deserve more than I can give them right now.
I feel like I'm hollow inside. I'm going through the motions .::. Just. But I feel like I'm hardly connecting with anyone. A silent world within me and a hectic one around me. I zone out when people, even my kids are talking to me. I don't know where I go, but just like that, I'm back here in the now, and I just didn't hear or take on anything that was said.
And.i.feel.guilty! All the time. I feel like I'm missing out on this special time with my kids.
And I just.want.my.DAD.
I put my order in for what choc Easter eggs we needed, but that feeling of not choosing yourself or getting to browse and find cool stuff? Never again.
I've lost my spirit for easter and all things magical and fun. I have three beautiful cherubs who so deserve more than I can give them right now.
I feel like I'm hollow inside. I'm going through the motions .::. Just. But I feel like I'm hardly connecting with anyone. A silent world within me and a hectic one around me. I zone out when people, even my kids are talking to me. I don't know where I go, but just like that, I'm back here in the now, and I just didn't hear or take on anything that was said.
And.i.feel.guilty! All the time. I feel like I'm missing out on this special time with my kids.
And I just.want.my.DAD.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
As of this moment ...
:: I'm watching 'the midwives' recorded on foxtel. It's 10.12pm.
:: I've just spoken on the phone to mum for an hour. I'll be in trouble when the next bill comes in as it was to her mobile.
:: this afternoon, mums sister, my Aunty, my grandma's daughter, my cousins mother, passed away. I am shattered. Only 4 months since her diagnosis of breast cancer and secondary throughout her bones, bouts of radium and chemotherapy, she passed away surrounded by her husband, Love of his life, her children, her sister (my mum) and her mum (grandma). She fought a brave, courageous and dignified battle. I have reexperienced dads last week, days, hours, minutes, seconds, last breath, the following moments, without him in our world, as we know him. And I feel this now through the eyes of my cousins and my uncle. I wish I was closer to be near them, bake for them, give them flowers. I wish I could ease that unbearable ache and sick feeling for them. I wish this was something my precious mum didn't have to endure right now.
:: our sunflower we planted a couple of months ago FLOWERED! I told mum tonight and I said that I think that every time I see a sunflower I will think of Aunty Lynne. Grandma said that poppa always called Aunty Lynne his 'sunflower'.
:: tonight is a full moon, an easter moon. I talked with Jacob and Abby about the easter bunny and the man in the moon, we spotted them in the moon. We think they are up there wrapping the Easter eggs ready for easter morning.
It feels like a very feminine moon. Kind of important. I feel so sad yet I feel like I need to go out in the shimmer of the moon and dance. I feel like I need to soak up her energy and renew myself. I feel like this moon is significant, to Aunty Lynne and to us as a family. Sounds a bit wacky, but that's my honest feeling. Surely by now you know that I'm a bit wacky and out there!!
:: Matilda has had a rough week of sleeping, therefore so have I!
:: Abby has now night toilet trained! Yay! Not so yay for the two boxes of huggies jumbo sized nappies!
:: Jacob has become a lover for his dad! When Sam comes home, he gets the most delightful hugs, smiles and a joyous 'daddy'!
:: Sam and I have celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary this week. Sam bought me a lovely card and I made him a pavlova.
:: We bought a campervan, a Jayco Eagle Outback from a gorgeous young family that live in town. I can't wait to go camping in it!
:: heading to Kalbarri this weekend for easter with mum! Time to look after her and spoil her rotten.
:: I've just spoken on the phone to mum for an hour. I'll be in trouble when the next bill comes in as it was to her mobile.
:: this afternoon, mums sister, my Aunty, my grandma's daughter, my cousins mother, passed away. I am shattered. Only 4 months since her diagnosis of breast cancer and secondary throughout her bones, bouts of radium and chemotherapy, she passed away surrounded by her husband, Love of his life, her children, her sister (my mum) and her mum (grandma). She fought a brave, courageous and dignified battle. I have reexperienced dads last week, days, hours, minutes, seconds, last breath, the following moments, without him in our world, as we know him. And I feel this now through the eyes of my cousins and my uncle. I wish I was closer to be near them, bake for them, give them flowers. I wish I could ease that unbearable ache and sick feeling for them. I wish this was something my precious mum didn't have to endure right now.
:: our sunflower we planted a couple of months ago FLOWERED! I told mum tonight and I said that I think that every time I see a sunflower I will think of Aunty Lynne. Grandma said that poppa always called Aunty Lynne his 'sunflower'.
:: tonight is a full moon, an easter moon. I talked with Jacob and Abby about the easter bunny and the man in the moon, we spotted them in the moon. We think they are up there wrapping the Easter eggs ready for easter morning.
It feels like a very feminine moon. Kind of important. I feel so sad yet I feel like I need to go out in the shimmer of the moon and dance. I feel like I need to soak up her energy and renew myself. I feel like this moon is significant, to Aunty Lynne and to us as a family. Sounds a bit wacky, but that's my honest feeling. Surely by now you know that I'm a bit wacky and out there!!
:: Matilda has had a rough week of sleeping, therefore so have I!
:: Abby has now night toilet trained! Yay! Not so yay for the two boxes of huggies jumbo sized nappies!
:: Jacob has become a lover for his dad! When Sam comes home, he gets the most delightful hugs, smiles and a joyous 'daddy'!
:: Sam and I have celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary this week. Sam bought me a lovely card and I made him a pavlova.
:: We bought a campervan, a Jayco Eagle Outback from a gorgeous young family that live in town. I can't wait to go camping in it!
:: heading to Kalbarri this weekend for easter with mum! Time to look after her and spoil her rotten.
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